WAS I EVER LOVED

The London Street Child

Clinging to this meaningless life
Between living and half living
Why must I suffer?

It never goes away.
Lines on my face
Depicting to the world
My worthless life.

Shadows getting darker
Winos clinging to the shadows
Fighting voices in my head that say
I’ll never get away.

Fatigued of life
Eyes glued to the pavement
Unrelenting rain
Snaking down my neck.

Averted gazes
Hours of alienation
Praying for someone to stay
Or even smile.

Feeling like the worst person in the world
Memories from the past
Flash through my head.

I ask myself
Where did I go wrong?
Was I ever loved?

London Crime Fiction Books by Paul:

MY NOVELS WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH, CRY, AND HAVE YOU GRIPPED THROUGHOUT.

The Carters’: Wars in West London

Family is everything to the Carters’. Alf Carter runs his criminal empire with the help of his two sons Kenny and Billy. But when family is everything the ties that bind might be the deadliest of all. When Billy Carter should feel everything is before him, including the love of his life it’s taken away, when terrifying gangland violence threatens his life.

Bagley’s Lane: Blood On The Streets

After three brutal murders in quick succession. DI Luca Rossi’s catapulted into a world that threatens him and his family’s way of life. With sheer squirm-in-your-seat moments throughout. Bagley’s Lane is a mesmerising, old-fashioned brutal story of loss, obsession and survival.

Love You Till I Die

Billy Pearce is a well-respected heavyweight boxer from London. After his one and only love is taken, his life is thrown into the menace and treachery of London’s criminal underworld. Love You Till I Die is a novel about loyalty and reliability about people that love and care for each other but who, when push comes to shove, will do whatever to protect their own.

THE LIGHT OVERPOWERED THE DARKNESS (St Pauls Cathedral)

Dressed in a collar of smoke
The unsleeping structure
Is a building of contradiction
Vulnerable, yet still imposing.

Blown apart
by a quarter-tonne bomb
Built-up again
To be a remembrance
Of soldiers who died.

Only whispers of its scars
The shrine once upturned
Now bathed in candlelight again.

In the abandonment of grief
They now sing hymns of
Survival and hope.

Where do shadows hide
When no light is cast?
When morning comes
May the light overpower
The darkness.

London Crime Fiction Books by Paul:

MY NOVELS WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH, CRY, AND HAVE YOU GRIPPED THROUGHOUT.

The Carters’: Wars in West London

Family is everything to the Carters’. Alf Carter runs his criminal empire with the help of his two sons Kenny and Billy. But when family is everything the ties that bind might be the deadliest of all. When Billy Carter should feel everything is before him, including the love of his life it’s taken away, when terrifying gangland violence threatens his life.

Bagley’s Lane: Blood On The Streets

After three brutal murders in quick succession. DI Luca Rossi’s catapulted into a world that threatens him and his family’s way of life. With sheer squirm-in-your-seat moments throughout. Bagley’s Lane is a mesmerising, old-fashioned brutal story of loss, obsession and survival.

Love You Till I Die

Billy Pearce is a well-respected heavyweight boxer from London. After his one and only love is taken, his life is thrown into the menace and treachery of London’s criminal underworld. Love You Till I Die is a novel about loyalty and reliability about people that love and care for each other but who, when push comes to shove, will do whatever to protect their own.

HAVE WE LOST OUR CITY

Meres of cloudy light casting
An unearthly glow into dark corners
Silent streets deserted
As if London has been evacuated
Only a few ragged souls remain.

A city of coffee shops whose pungent aromas
Mingle with crime, death and debauchery
Each building hiding thieves.

A city rife with disease
People overpowered with the coercion
Of human deprivation
Walking the thin line
Between ignorance and deceit.
Have we lost our City?

London Crime Fiction Books by Paul:

MY NOVELS WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH, CRY, AND HAVE YOU GRIPPED THROUGHOUT.

The Carters’: Wars in West London

Family is everything to the Carters’. Alf Carter runs his criminal empire with the help of his two sons Kenny and Billy. But when family is everything the ties that bind might be the deadliest of all. When Billy Carter should feel everything is before him, including the love of his life it’s taken away when terrifying gangland violence threatens his life.

Bagley’s Lane: Blood On The Streets

After three brutal murders in quick succession. DI Luca Rossi’s catapulted into a world that threatens him and his family’s way of life. With sheer squirm-in-your-seat moments throughout. Bagley’s Lane is a mesmerising, old-fashioned brutal story of loss, obsession and survival.

Love You Till I Die

Billy Pearce is a well-respected heavyweight boxer from London. After his one and only love is taken, his life is thrown into the menace and treachery of London’s criminal underworld. Love You Till I Die is a novel about loyalty and reliability about people that love and care for each other but who, when push comes to shove, will do whatever to protect their own.

WHEN THE BRUISES SHOW

Screaming into my pillow
I pray my broken heart stops
Is this how it ends?

Your promise on our wedding day
The one didn’t keep
You promised you would cherish me
Until we both grew old.

From the first punch
To the erosion of our marriage
Its sick form ascended to
The detriment of all
Betraying hearts and lives.

Some seek what they grew up with
Even if destructive.
I would love to say
Part of me still cherishes you
But it would be a lie.

Trapped without hope
Sick with dread,
Eyes full of fear
I listen in the blackness
Broken winged and never found.

Every bruise you’ve given me
Has become a shield
I’ll wait until tomorrow
when a new day begins.

Thanks for reading. If this piece resonated, please find more of my work here: paulaslingauthor.com You can even subscribe for updates when I publish.

SILENT TEARS

Spirit broken,

depleted and defeated.

How long will this journey last?

Loss is never a straight line,

It has no timeline, no deadline.

The pain may never go,

It’s only buried beneath tombs,

And fresh memories.

Endless and unrelenting,

It just waits to explode,

Through, the crevices of our thoughts,

Draining our heart and soul.

Thanks for reading. If this piece resonated please find more of my work here, paulaslingauthor.com/blog/. You can even subscribe for updates when I publish.

The Sad Story of Sweet Fanny Adams (Sweet FA)

The Poem

It was a bright August afternoon,

when she met her end.

The smell of soft loamy earth,

flying leaves dressed in scarlet and gold.

The question is, what did sweet Fanny do?

Why was she so worthless?

If she were alive today she would be shocked,

because the answer is nothing.

Her smile was warm with a hint of shyness,

innocent and eight she was slain,

a crime so barbaric it shook England to the core.

On that dreadful day when three little girls went out to play,

only two would return.

This wasn’t how it was supposed to be,

why must mothers say goodbye?

The man in the black coat

offered her a halfpenny that glistened in the sun.

And Later that day he wrote in his diary,

I killed a little girl.

She was found dismembered, her head on two poles.

So, tell me why is sweet Fanny Adams so worthless?

More from Paul: https://amzn.to/2IldTt2

A Minute To Improve Your Writing Forever

These Tips Will Improve Your Writing Forever

Delete the word ‘that.’
At least 90% of the time you use the word ‘that’ can be removed from your writing and it will instantly strengthen your sentence.
Example: ‘You believe that I’m lying, but I’m not.’ becomes ‘You believe I’m lying, but I’m not.’
 
Delete the words ‘I think.’
It adds nothing. Remove it to strengthen your point.
Example: ‘I think this is a good sentence.’ becomes ‘This is a good sentence.’
 
Avoid words that end in ‘-ing.’
In most cases, the ‘-ing’ softens your word and adds no value. Your writing will read better if you avoid it.
Example: ‘The experiences we’re seeking end up being underwhelming and even disappointing.’ becomes ‘The experiences we seek often underwhelm and disappoint.’
 
Short sentences. Short paragraphs.
Most sentences can be cut in half. Don’t be afraid to have a two- or three-word sentence.
Keep paragraphs to less than three sentences.
White space is your reader’s friend.
Shrink your opening sentence.
Make it interesting, but keep it short and conversational.
Example: ‘This is a post that’s going to help you become a better writer.’ becomes ‘I can help you.’

HIS KISS

I reach over to see if he’s there. The bed is still warm where he had been lying. I pretend to be asleep when I hear the bedroom door open. The room fills with the aroma of coffee and the floorboards creak, as he slinks into the bed next to me. He leans over and kisses my cheek. ‘Come on sleeping beauty, wake up, or we’re going to miss it.’

    Smiling, I tell him. ‘When I agreed to this, I didn’t think it would be at 4 am.’

    ‘I promise you. It will be worth it.’

    I smile. ‘And if it’s not?’

    He laughs. ‘Then I’ll never watch a football match again.’

    ‘You promise?’

    Crossing his fingers, he tells me. ‘I promise.’

    I get dressed in the dark, pulling on my jeans and white linen shirt. Although it’s June, it’s still chilly.

He kisses me on the lips, and we leave the cottage. With no sun to burn it off, the lane is shrouded in a silver mist. My boots crunch on the gravel as we head for the beach. Seeing I’m cold, he stops, puts his arms around me, and kisses me on the forehead. Five minutes later, we reach our destination.

    Reaching the empty beach, he puts down a blanket. ‘I can’t believe you’ve never done this before.’

    ‘Getting up at this hour is not something I like to make a habit of.’

My eyes welcome the sunrise, its golden light dribbling over the sea like honey. We sit there in silence. It was one of those moments that doesn’t happen often, but when they do, they must be treasured.

I tell him. ‘That was something special.’

    ‘I told you so.’

    ‘It was so perfect.’

    ‘So, I can still keep watching the football then?’

    ‘I’m never watching TV again. This what want to see.’

    ‘Well, you’ll have to get up earlier.’

    ‘It’s a promise. It will be worth it.’

    He asks me. ‘Want to go swimming?’

    I smile, ‘Come on, then.’

    I peel off my clothes. ‘Are you coming in?’

    ‘You go ahead. I want to remember this forever.’

    ‘OK, don’t be long.’

    I walk into the water. It was cold. Much colder than I thought. I turn back to tell him to be careful, but he’s not watching. He’s lying lifeless on the sand.

That’s when my dream turned into a nightmare.

     Our life became doctor appointment after doctor appointment and hospital visit after hospital visit. Until the visits stopped. Because they were not needed. I cried as I’d never cried before. I cried at his funeral. For days and weeks, I cried as though grief had taken over my life. I hated waking up by myself. I hated there wasn’t the smell of coffee in the morning.

     Suddenly I woke up. It was the same dream I had every night.

Our last day together. Each time I woke up, I would swear I heard the door opening and could smell the coffee, but the flat was empty.

I could feel the kiss in my dreams every night. Except this time, something was different. I put my hand to my cheek, and it was cold as if a ghost kissed me on the cheek. I smiled, knowing he was still there.

THE SAD STORY OF MARY ANN BEVAN  

Mary Ann Bevan, a beautiful woman, turned into what many people considered the ‘ugliest woman in the world.’

Mary was born in 1874. With her family comprising eight children, the older children were sent off to work in order to keep everyone fed. Once she finished her medical studies, she became a nurse in 1894.

In 1903, she got married to Thomas Bevan with whom she established a family of four children. The family were living in prosperous times within London. Three years later, in 1906, Mary was hit with a rare disease that medics at the time knew little about acromegaly.

This rare disease is a hormonal sickness that is provoked by the somatotroph hormone. In simpler terms, the hormone that helps our bodies grown and develop. The disease usually shows up after the patient hits puberty and it makes the bones of the body enlarge, usually two to three times bigger than usual.

Acromegaly affects 6 in 100,000 people, so it isn’t as rare as people often say, but for Mary, the disease was quite severe as it affected her whole body.

Besides the growth of bones, this disease can affect the whole body, which means even the organs such as the kidney, liver, heart, and everything below the belt. Today, this disease can be easily treated if caught in time, but at the start of the 20th century, medicine wasn’t advanced enough to even know what provoked the disease.

In the next years, Mary Ann suffered drastic physical changes as the disease affected her whole body. In a matter of five years, she was unrecognizable. The disease was to become the least of Mary’s problems. Thomas, her husband, although wondering what was happening with his beautiful wife, he always stood by her side no matter the way she looked. But in 1914 Thomas died from a stroke, not only leaving Mary Ann when she needed him the most but also leaving four children behind.

Her disease, or most likely the way she looked, caused her to lose her job, leaving her jobless whilst trying to raise four children by herself. Because of her physical aspect, it was very difficult to find a job, so she was taking all the worst jobs out there in order to keep her children fed.

Things didn’t turn for the better as debts were piling up and she was running out of solutions. That is why she was forced by her predicament to join the contest for the ugliest woman in the world where she actually won first place. This although not being great, helped her raise enough money to get out of debt and feed her children for some time.

The media, at the time took advantage of her situation and paid her small amounts in order to take photos and write horror stories about her. If there was a contest for the best mother in the world, it would probably go to Mary as she was doing all of this for her children. Because of the media attention she attracted, she was invited to work at the Dreamland Circus in Coney Island in 1920.

This circus was well known for its ‘freaks’ so at least she fitted in with the rest of the people. However, this circus was cruel as people would laugh at her, they would call her ugly names, and worst of all, she had to wear clothes that would put her problems in the spotlight.

Mary had to walk a long way to get to these shows and in the way, she would be called by the local’s things like freak or monster and was sometimes even beaten for her appearance. All of this was to see her children grow. For the rest of her life, Mary Ann took part in these shows until the 26th of December 1933, when she died from natural causes. Mary is buried in the Brockley and Ladywell Cemetery.

Paul Asling – Author

Born and raised in London in the fifties. I share a special love for London, both new and old. I began writing at 40, with most of my books and stories set London.

For those who seek a story of crime and love. MY BOOKS WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH, CRY, AND HAVE YOU GRIPPED THROUGHOUT.

https://amzn.to/3qoTx3A